Iowa trip!
We had a great time! We visited Nauvoo, Chicago, Niabia IL zoo, John Deer Museum and drove through lots of lots of corn fields through Iowa. We had a wonderful time seeing the Garners, where they live and spending time laughing and playing. Thanks Kim and Craig!
Instead of posting photos I thought I'd make a slide show. There a ton of pictures so be warned ENJOY

Catching up!

Zoo trip. I took the kids I nanny for and Kirsten to the zoo. It was a beautiful day and we had a great time!
Kirsten with the gorilla (is she copin a feel? LOL)

the kids on the catepilar!

almost as big as the gorilla!

another ride on the catepillar

Best of Friends!

I was lucky enough to make a really good friend, my soul sister I like to call her last spring. It was really by chance that we became such good friends and such an amazing blessing in my life!!! She is moving away this summer for 3 years possibly, I have no idea what on earth I will do without her. I dont' have a picture of her and I, but here is Kristen and her little girl Emily. Although they have their moments, like all little girls do they are best friends also. Kirsten and I will be oh so lonely without them. All the more reason to soak up the next 3 months while they are here!!!
I love this picture of Kirsten and Emily at the park!

Wow it has been a really long time hasn't it?

I thought about ditching blogger. LOL But...blogger has always been so good to me. And so have my friends that say they still check it even though I've been a total slacker.
Basically I have no clue what to write about, life has change quite a bit since my last post. I am currently trying to figure out where my life should go next. As some of you, well most of you know Tyler and I seperated over 2 months ago. Just recently I met with my stake president looking for advice and I've decided instead of waiting for him to come back around I need to take the step foward to divorce completely. Its been a hard decision, but I know that the Lord has comforted me and helped guide me to this decision. Whenever I doubt, or feel like just giving up on it all, I feel a voice inside of me saying "you know this is right Maren, keep trudging through"
I feel blessed to have my beautiful daughter and I want to make right by her. I want to make our lives wonderful and I want her to grow up healthy and happy and I want to do everything I can do to that. So there's that! A small little update!
I'm still working part-time as a nanny for a really great family nearby. And I will be heading to Iowa this week to visit my sister Kim and her family! I am very very very excited about that trip!
I will end with some pics from Easter and a few others.

easter egg pow-wow splitting the eggs so its fair!

Random thoughts for the day......

I got a special package in the mail the other day, at first I didn't open it because a message board I'm apart of is doing valentines day packages and I thought that was it. But I couldn't wait to open it until Feb 14th so I opened it and it was for a friend from another board (I sound like such an internet nerd LOL) anyhow..it was a willow tree figurine, someone special had read my blog about my desire to collect those and sent one. The name of it was "courage", I will post a pic of it later but this person was really in tune with what I needed and what is going on in my life. I will be able to look at that figurine and the joy that I see in it will bring me courage through anything that comes my way. Thank you special friend.
Also I was on carrots blog, a friend from one of my boards I used to talk to often but now just catch up on her life through her blog (hilarious blog I might add) and she had a pic of those conversation hearts. I'm craving them now and must stop by the store in the next couple days and get them. I love holidays and all the fun litttle candy's that come along with it.
Well thats it for now.....I'm going to take and post some new pics soon.

100 Things about Me!
I challenge anyone that reads this to do the same and post it in your blog! I would love to read it!!
1. I am a SAHM to my 3 year old daughter kirsten.
2. I got married when I was 21.
3. I am LDS (Mormon)
4. I attended Snow college for 1 1/2 years although I lived there for 2 years. Got my education in the education of life.
5. I was in choir in highschool, madrigals also
6. I was also in all the musicals in highschool and played on of the main parts my senior year.
7. Some days I like to do nothing, sit around in my pj's and not even shower if I'm not going anywhere
8. I love chick flicks, some of my favs are Where the Heart is, Pride and Prejudice, 13 going on 30
9. My daughters full name is Kirsten Zella after my grandmother who died when I was 12.
10.That same grandmother I've always felt a strong kinship to since being a mother and she has helped me through a lot of trials in my life.
11. I am not a phone person, infact sometimes I avoid them all together. I much prefer email.
12. I love reality shows, the more dramatic the better.
13. Summertime is my fav season although whenever each season comes to an end I'm ready for the next change of scenary.
14. Christmas and 4th of July are my fav. holidays
15. I've always wanted to be a mom, I've thought about other careers but being a mom was always my lifes desire.
16. I turn 26 on wednesday.
17. I Love country Music.
18. I just bought the new dixie chicks cd despite my husband not wanting me to. My fav song on the album is shut up and sing.
19. My daughter was born with a birth defect where her esophogus didn't attach to her stomach. She spent 12 days in primary childrens and had surgery her first day of life.
20. I have a healthy happy 3 year old!
21. I work part time 2 days a week as a nanny for a family of 5.
22. I love the beach.
23. My first car was a old blue buick station wagon that had the rear facing back seat.
24. My favorite smell is lilacs.
25. I would love to move out of Utah for a few years.
26. I love reading LDS fiction books about the early saints.
27. My fav. books are The Children Of The Promise
28. I have 4 sisters and 1 brother.
29. I Believe in God.
30. I like to take care of others, particualarly my husband and daughter.
31. I love to ski.
32. I try to be a good friend, although I know I'm not perfect and fail too often.
33. I never served a mission but was told once by a boyfriend that something I had set followed the commitment pattern to a T.
34. I am very emotional and wear my emotions on my sleeve.
35. I am scared of sleeping alone.
36. My favorite colors are purple and sage green.
37. I have very olive skin and growing up I thought I was part Indian.
38. I've never lived out of the state of Utah.
39. I failed my driving test by running a red light.
40.I'm always told I look familiar.
41. Everywhere I go I can usually find either a connection to someone or see someone I know.
42. I love the sun.
43. My favorite TV shows are Greys Anatomy, Men in Trees, The office and ER.
44. My pet peeve is when people put words in my mouth.
45. I've never had a speeding ticket (knock on wood).
46. I like to scrapbook but haven't procrastinated horribly at it.
47. I am a procrastinator.
45. I am a cleanfreak and hate when things are dirty although my house is very cluttered.
46. I sell Mary Kay on the side.
47. I'm not the greatest cook but I try.
48. I wish I could afford buying all my food at Wild Oats and go completely organic!
49 I try to eat healthy but I don't have much self control.
50. I cry everytime I hear the song "I'm proud to be an american"
51. I wish I lived out in the middle of nowhere with animals and acres of land.
52. Growing up I convinced people that the owner of Burton snowboards was my uncle.
53. I know I should have finished college but never liked school.
54. I've always loved children and started babysitting when I was 9.
55. I love candles especially warm scented ones like cinnamon, or cinnamon rolls and christmas smells.
56. My fav. food is pizza or anything italian.
57. I have a whole group of friends I've met online.
58. I'm not a choclate lover, although I do enjoy it now and then.
59. I love rasberry cheescake icecream.
60. I'm obsessed with cinnamon bears.
61. I'd love to collect willow tree dolls but so far I only have one.
62. I've had 4 miscarriages.
63. I love camping.
64. When I'm camping I must wash my hands and feet and my daughters hands and feet before we get into the tent for bed (some call me anal)
65. People say I have a large but pretty smile.
66. People say I have really white teeth LOL.
67. I've never had a calling outside of the primary since I've been married.
68. I play the piano, although I'm very rusty.
69. I'm a conservative but sometimes I question the political views of some conservatives.
70. I'm easily swayed by others ideas.
71. I'm indesicive.
72. I have a low pain tolerance yet I'm tougher than I think.
73. 5 days after having my c-section with my daughter I walked 3 miles in the snow.
74. My first kiss was the summer after my 16th birthday, I still can remember the taste of pizza on his breath (YUCK!)
75. I love to country dance and was quite good and performed in college. (but haven't since, because my husband doesn't know how)
76. I'm intimidated by teenagers (totally silly huh!)
77. I have very little patience and its something I'm constantly working on.
78. I love a good night out with girlfriends, laughing and enjoying listening to on another.
79. I'm very outgoing but as I've gotten older and had a child its been harder for me to come out of my shell.
80. If I'm uncomfortable I clam right up.
81. I sucked my thumb until I was 10.
82. Consequnetly I had braces for 2 1/2 years!
83. I'm fascinated with movies and books about World War 2.
84. One of my fav things is to declutter my house and afterwards I walk around thinking how grea it feels.
85. Ditto to #84 but with cleaning my house.
85. I was married in the Manti temple on September 21st, 2001
86. Although sometimes my daughter makes me want to pull my hair out, most of the time I stand in awe at her beauty and laugh my head off at her sillyness.
87. I'm amazed at the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth and wonder how someone could ever not believe in God.
88. I doubt myself too often.
89. I come from a long line of loud talkers.
90. I want to get into better shape and eat healthier.
91. Being a mom has changed my life in ways I never would have imagined.
92. I've always been a dog lover, but having one live in my house is not as much fun as I thought. LOL but we really do love yorgie our chihuahua.
93. I have a strong sense of smell and can smell anything from a mile away.
94. I've never been able to bend over and touch my toes.
95. I'm not athletic.
96. I'm horrible at math and science and almost didn't graduate cause I was failing my Human Biology class.
97. I love to watch tv to veg out for the evening.
98. It has taken me 4 hours to finish this (with lunch and dinner breaks and long other breaks of course)
99. I love all my sisters but I'm sad we aren't as close as I wish we were.
100. I love the spend time with family and will forever be grateful for such a HUGE blessing they are in my life.

well it lasted almost a day............

I started a new healthy eating/exercising regime I did a little of it last week and did pretty good. But this week I started a meal plan from my fitness magazine and its just eating lots of fruits and veggies, wheat etc. etc. etc. anyhow....I did so good today despite breakfast not being all that yummy. But after dinner I was starving!!! I kept seeing pizza, tacos, all kinds of stuff on tv and getting cravings. well I gave in, I had 2 small candy bars and like 7 cinnamon bears. uggghhhhh I'm not normally hungry and its not like my new menu isn't filling, I think its all in my mind.
On a good note, yesterday I was called to the second counselor in the Primary presidency. Also I was able to snuggle a baby during primary and tyler was sitting there with me and he held him and there was just something that felt so right. Things are rocky with us, but it was so nice to have a peaceful feeling as far as feeling as though a child was missing from our family. Now if only I could start keeping my pregnancies.

And now for christmas. We had a wonderful time with family, first to my parents house for dinner and the christmas story with the cousins. KIrsten as you can see took her roll or Mary very seriously, she sat there the whole time so quiet and listened intently on what grandma read.
We woke up early christmas morning to see what santa brought, I didn't get pictures (DOH!!!) but I will try to upload the video camera tape. She got an electronic easel and she's love it!!! Soon after we headed to nephi to see tyler's parents and family. THey always go big at christmas so its so fun to go there and see everyone opening presents.
We were so blessed this year and thankful for friends and family and all we have. Merry Christmas and Happy New year!

Kirsten with my nephew spencer as Joseph and Mary

Christmas morning at grandma and grandpas

Here's what I've been up to......

I'm starting something new, no more sad posts. LOL I might throw one in now and then for good old times ;) but I'm just gonng post pictures and share the joys in my life. Thanks again for all those who have listened, I'm blessed to have so many friends and such a wonderful support system.

First I will post my 3 year old daughters bday pics. Its hard to believe she is 3 already. It seems like yesterday and like a lifetime ago she was born. I'm so lucky to have my little girl, she's the funniest thing you've ever met. Such a joy to our lives!

Kirsten with her homemade cake by momma!

she was rippin through those presents like a pro


the cake (handmade by moi) pretty sad lookin I know but she loved it! LOL
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she made out like a bandit!!!

Here we go again......

well you got one positive post, mark it on your calendars girls! LOL I'm feeling very down and don't want to drown my friends and online communities with my sorrow so I turn to my good old friend blogger. Always there for me, just listens, doesn't interject and wonderful people usually pop by and give me support.
I hurt so much right now....friday the 24th was my due date for my pregnancy in May. With my first miscarriage I was pregnant with Kirsten by my due date so my last 2 miscarriages I've been babyless by my due date. My heart litterally aches....it used to just ache when I saw a pregnant woman, or read about a new arrival but it seems to be constantly in my thoughts right now. I took a pregnancy test this morning cause I'm 6 days late and to my dissapointment it was negative. But at the same time that I was dissapointed I can't help but think if it was positive what kind of emotions that would bring. I can't loose another baby...I can't do it. Heaven forbids if it happens again of course I will deal with it, but in my mind I keep thinking I cannot do it.
I feel so blessed to have my little miracle Kirsten, the longer all these problems go on I can't help but think she might be my one and only miracle and that thought kills me. I'm not giving up by any means...but I can't help but wonder how I can have one baby but not be able to carry another.
Words can't express my gratitude for my online friends and in real life friens that have supported me. I'm in need of constant upliftment. Someone I barely know and haven't met in person sent me a special candle. Its an aeromatherapy candle make to comforst a healing heart. It meant so much to me, that someone I barely know cares so much.
I'm done for now, my hurt is beyond tears now.....
Thanks for letting me post my feelings blogger old buddy and for those who listen.

Howdy.....

The last post was from non medicated Maren ;) LOL now is the new and improved medicated Maren. HAHAHAHA I kill me. Thank you all of you gals for your sweet posts, I was in a bad spot and I took a break from blogging for a time to get my act together. I've been terribly busy which has been good. I worked 4 days last week and my little sister got married. So thats that. I need to post some pics but I'm not sure how?? Oh wait.....I think I can.
Here's some pics from my sisters wedding.


My dad and kirsten dancing, Kirsten spent the whole night shakin her booty, she loved it!!!

my cool hairdo!

wow....

Guess I should update my blog although everyone who visits already knows whats going on I'm sure.
Tuesday I found out I had a very early miscarriage, its technically called a chemical pregnancy. Basically the egg fertilizes but never implants, but my doc said its a miscarriage just like any other. So..its been hard, but I've been so busy I haven't had time to think about it. Last weekend I sort of felt like I was having a nervous breakdown...but I survived. So yesterday I had a test where they inject dye into your uterus and fallopian tubes and as uncomfy as that was everything looked ok. I guess we'l have to see what else is in store.
We had a good Halloween so far, I will post pictures for sure this week. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers and hugs. It means soooo much!!!

Well....

I so far have lost the baby....mark me up for a 4th miscarriage. I woke ups this morning bleeding so I went to the doctor this afternoon and they were unable to find a pregnancy sac so I have either 1 of 2 things....1, the sac has already sluffed off which is unlikely or 2 I have an ectopic pregnancy. A blood test will tell me tomorrow what is going on. I'm pretty numb right now...unsure of how I feel or what to think. I've cried enough for today, I honestly have no more tears to cry.
I can't believe this is happening again.

Suprise Suprise!!!

I'M PREGNANT!!!

I'm keeping this from most people I know in real life but I will announce here although there are 2 people who come here that I know in real life but I'm sure they will be good and keep my secret LOL Its not really a secret per say, but considering my history of miscarraiges I'm not going around announcing it to the world no matter how much I want to!

Its taken more days than I wanted to post this and figure out my estimated due date etc. because I've spent the last 3 days caring for, running around, keeping on top of and feeding 6 children all by myself!!!! I took a new nanny job for a family near here who lives in Alpine. My normal schedule will be wednesday morning to early afternoon and one weekend night but the parents went out of town on buisness for a few days and I was left with 5 kids I barely knew. Needless to say the first day was crazy and by the middle of the day I thought what the heck did I get myself into?? THe school kids get home, they need to do homework, yet none of them will stay on task and have to keep reminding them to do their homwork. THen its off to piano, dance, back to piano, so on and so forth. I have no idea how moms of more than 3 do this!!!!
By Thursday I was pretty on top of things..feeling confident and friday I took them all to chucky cheese! Thats right...me and 6 kids in a public place, of course the older ones could wander around as they pleased but still...I was impressed with myself.
I however will not be having 6 kids, I'm thinking 3 will work for me, maybe 4 we'll just have to see how it all goes.
But for now....we are expecting our second on June 24th, 2007. I have lots of mixed emotions, I'm so happy, confused, unsure, scared etc. I talked to my doctor about a few blood tests he had done with clotting factors and he's decided that I need to be put on a blood thinner, a shot in my stomach twice a day. I'm frightened, and not sure if this is something really needed but I want to do what is best to keep this baby healthy and alive. I need to keep positive so...here's to a happy healthy 9 months!!!

What is the deal???.....


What is the deal with the blogs that have the little decoder thing at the bottom and you have to copy a string of random letters to post a comment. I hope none of my visitors have to do that cause for some reason that drives me nutso! Whats the point, do those bloggers want to be sure their readers are well read and know all the letters of the alphabet and where they at on the keyboard. I've been thinking about this for some time now...and although its a boring blog post there ya go.
Obviously things in my private life aren't that exciting if I'm so consumed about thinking about a secret code you have to enter to post a comment. My husband Tyler was home all last weekend, he had taken both of his jobs (He works as an accountant and then also at sears in the evenings) he'd taken them off for the week cause of his hunting trip. He got a deer, or caught a deer as my mom likes to put it. LOL He came home thursday night and we spent the whole weekend together, saw a movie, visited his parents. It was nice to have him home since he's not home much.
anyhow....my life and thoughts lately are very boring so I'll end this monotinous blog. Sianara.

Look what I made!!!

Aren't I nifty??

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Hunting Widows UNITE!

So I just made a huge long and very creative I might add new blog entry and guess what blogger got screwed up and lost it all!!!
So here I go again..and I'm sure it won't be as whitty this time. LOL
My husband is one of those die hard hunters, like one of those who get this...packs in all his food and gear and sleeps under a tarp for several nights on end in the freezing cold tempatures on top of some crazy huge mountain. He left tuesday morning around 1am, as he's packing his pack with all his food, sleeping bag, and other necessary gear I'm thinking man you have got to be crazy. That thing propably weighed atleast 40lbs and they are going to hike in the middle of the night/morning to the top of one of the biggest mountains in our area (Mt.Timpanogas) to scope for deer (a day earlier than the hunt starts) and sleep under a tarp not even a tent. WEIRDOS I tell ya. LOL
I keep asking him and his dad why can't they just hunt like normal hillbillies do. I believe there are usually 2 different ways:
1. DRive the camper up the canyon with most of your extended family, men go hunting during the morning and day and come home to a nice warm camp fire and home cooked meal (sounds nice right??) or...
2. Drive your truck out west....walk about 15 feet and shoot a deer and drag it back into your truck.
Either of those sounds much more enjoyable to me than spending 4 nights freezing your butt off!!! I'm beginning to think I'm the only sane one in this family.
Anyhow...so Kirsten and I are all by our lonesomes for the next few days...hoping he will get one today and come home early but that is highly unlikely. I will post some pics of our fun activities, yesterday we went to the zoo. Oh and here's the cool blinkie my friend made me for me. I'm an official hunting widow

You have been warned....

I don't do grammar or spelling well online...so that is just a fair warning for you all. I know there will be some of you grammar/english freaks who will just be dying to correct me ;) go ahead I don't mind....I'm just here to type, not worry about how it all sounds. :D